RANSVESTIA

and they were becoming increasingly aggressive about having their fun with me, paying me false compliments, running their hands over me, trying to find out how I had come to be dressed like this. Some of them were getting quite ugly, as if I were something to be poked at and destroyed.

For a while, I tried to stem the tide by pretending not to notice. It got worse.

One of the girls, less savage than the rest, warned me, "I think some of the men are planning something. You had better watch out."

She was right. Across the room, several of the men were making their way toward me. I handed her my tray, and ducked into my room. Right after me came the men, dragging me back to the living room. Music began to play, and one of the men grabbed me around the waist and began to swing me as if we were dancing. It was no real dance, of course, more like a wrestling match with me trying to escape, and my captor doing his best to make me rock and bend with the music.

He swung me to another, and another. They twirled me from one to the other until my head was swimming, and I lost my footing and fell.

"That's enough," a couple of the girls insisted in the midst of the laughter. "Help him up."

I sprang to my feet, and made my way dizzily to my room, closing and locking the door behind me.

I couldn't help it; I broke into tears. I sat on the bed and sobbed. Never, never had I felt such humiliation. What a fool, what a goddamn fool. Sally knew. Why had she done it. Why had she bought me the things, encouraged me? How could I face her, or anyone else again? What if I ever ran into any of them on the street? Or at Sally's office? I sat there and bawled.

The party was soon over, and Sally came to the door.

"You set me up for this. Why?" I asked.

"I had to find out."

"How big a fool you could make of me?"

"How deep it goes."

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